Saturday, October 27, 2012

I am not in control

Hi, I'm Amy Adams and I'm a controlaholic...

I cannot deny I have a typical type A personality. I like order, plans, organization, and being in control of life. My closet is organized by color, then organized by type of shirt in the color. Since I was young I have organized our families' Christmas presents under the tree by name, then on Christmas morning I place everyone's gifts in "their spot." I do not do well with surprises. My classroom as a teacher ran like clock-work. Things had their places, students knew expectations, it was "controlled." I plan our weekly meals. I like to process what is to come before it happens...okay now I really sound like a crazy person. Haha I'm not an outwardly verbal controlling person, but inwardly I like to have every part of my life perfectly in place. 

Matt joked the other night and asked if I would please just accept God is in control. It seems as if God keeps trying to teach me this, yet I must not be getting it! So many things that have happened in the past year of our lives have seemed out of our control or our plans. I could not control job changes. I did not "plan" our pregnacy. I could not control my babies growth and development in the womb. I could not control the day they would enter the world. I cannot control when they decide to start eating. I did not plan for this to be the way my babies spent the first weeks of their lives. I cannot control their number of days in the NICU, but oh how I wish I could! I held each of my girls this afternoon and prayed for their future, prayed for their days in the NICU, prayed for their the calmness of the moment, despite beeping monitors and other crying babies, He reminded me again...Be still and know that I AM GOD! 

He is God, I am not. 
He is in control, I am not.
He can do as he pleases, not as I want.

Hi, I'm Amy Adams, and I'm a recovering controlaholic...:) 

1 comment:

  1. We are continuing to pray for your girls! I would love to mail you two footprints ministry gift bags. You can see more on footprints at The NICU was where I learned I really had no control but the Lord had all of it. It's so hard! Praying those girls home soon! Please email me your at and I'll mail these sweet gift bags to you!