Another milestone...34 weeks!

Maybe one day I'll take a picture somewhere other than our bathroom! haha This picture is blurry and makes my belly look smaller than it is! ;) 

Weeks: 34 weeks whew! The babies lungs are much more developed now, and they could make their appearance with a little less fear of problems. I had a round of steroid shots last week to help in lung development if they do have to come early.  

Size of Babies:We go back to the Maternal-Fetal Specialist Thursday, so we will have a better idea then. Hopefully they are well over 3 lbs! 

Weight Gain - It's started to slow a bit...I get anxious thinking about how in the world I'm going to get this amount of weight off. I'm not overindulging, eating balanced, and trying to stay as "active" as I can. These days I have to often remind myself that it isn't about me, but instead about helping two babies grow. Sometimes a hard reality when as women we put so much pressure on ourselves. 

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Maternity Clothes - Yes! I'm down to rotating very similar outfits. I'm ready to have pants that I have to button! ;) 

Stretch Marks - I know I have more growing to go, but I'm going to contribute my lack of stretch marks to this:

I have applied Mustela lotion religiously from the beginning. It's not cheap, but has helped me feel like I'm doing something to prevent stretch marks. I know that people say it has nothing to do with lotion, but more about genetics...I have the genetics to have stretch marks...I'm sticking with the lotion being a life saver! :) 

Best Moments of the Week - 

Now can you tell how big the belly is?!?! 

I've been going twice a week to my OB for non-stress tests to monitor the twins. It has been such a relief to go in regularly, hear their heartbeats, and be reassured everything is okay. There is no better sound than to hear two, loud, fast heartbeats! 

Miss Anything -Being active. It's just harder and harder to get around! 

Cravings: I made chocolate-chip pumpkin bread this week! I don't know if it was due more to cooler weather/fall or pregnancy. 

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Movements -I feel them more frequently, but not as many crazy kicks. Their legs are in the same spot right under my ribs! Fun! ;) 

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Symptoms - This past week is the first time when I felt like I'm REALLY pregnant. My feet and hands get swollen, I get out of breath easily, can't bend over, can't sit comfortably, can't sleep well...But I'm SO thankful I've made it this long without feeling many symptoms! 

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Mood - So ready to meet Katherine and Madeline! I want them to come safely and be healthy, yet I'm ready for this to come to an end! ;) Matt and I were talking about what they will look like, which gets me more and more excited. 

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What I'm looking forward to: Our appointment Thursday with the specialist. Praying everything is progressing well. 

Dear teenage me...

I ran across several blogs that linked up to chatting at the sky to write letters to your teenage self. Maybe I tend to be a little introspective or like to contemplate the past, but I loved the idea of what you might say to your teenage self.

Dear teenage me,

      Your high school years will have its ups and downs. Hate to tell you, but you never truly feel like you find your "place." You will regret not playing sports...but the fear of failing will keep you from ever going back. This group of friends that you have now...that you spend every waking moment with after school and on the weekends...will be friends and memories that you think fondly of years later...but unfortunately when Em moves away, the group breaks apart. 

You emerse yourself in your youth group, often feeling like you just put on a happy face for the world to see. It would benefit you now if you would listen to everyone's comments on what a great person you are now...but it takes you a long time to ever feel worthy. 

You have loved going to FUGE every summer and dream about becoming a staffer....Guess what? You become one! It will be the greatest experience of your college days. God uses your experience and the people you work with to change your life forever. There are some tough days at camp, some good decisions, some not-so-good decisions, but God uses those around you to speak much needed truth to you. It is refreshing and changes your life. You will find confidence in your gifts, talents, and personality through camp...really you do! 

Unfortunately, there are some really dark days ahead. The insecurities, shame, and hurt will wreak havoc in your soul beginning in high school. You will try to hide it from everyone, but after many years of struggle you will finally surrender. Your family will stand by you, make the greatest financial sacrifice of their lives, and be amazed at the freedom you finally find. 

You will one day not always wear your hair in a ponytail...they come out with an amazing invention called a CHI! It straightens your hair. Oh and maybe you should grow out your bangs! ;) 

Your love for Dave Matthews Band will fade...I know it's hard to imagine that now. He gets old and not so cool anymore! 

You will go through two phases of trying to be "alternative," in the midst of trying to find your place. It doesn't work for you, and later will rejoice in the fact that you NEVER caved and got that tattoo!

The guy you are dating and think you will marry during college...doesn't happen. Great guy, but not for you. You will realize this at camp and make a very tough decision. Don't worry the most wonderful, patient, funny, perfect man for you will come along...just not until you are 23! You will struggle with the fears of being alone...but let me tell you it's well worth the wait. 

The friends you prayed for...they come in college! They will love you despite all your faults, and encourage you through your darkest days. 

Enjoy your not so pretty '92 red interior/exterior Toyota Corolla...it makes you humble. You will one day get a new car! :) 

Never say never...You will do many things you said you would NEVER do, both good and bad. Thank goodness for grace! ;) 

You won't become a missionary in Africa, or move to some big city for fun. You will be "boring" in your terms at the age of 27, living in Arkansas still, expecting twins, and a soon to become stay-at-home-mom. It's alright though...you are happier than you could ever imagine! 

Don't wish your life away...enjoy the moment...it flies by too fast!

32 weeks, worried, waiting, relief

Quick pic before dinner

Weeks: 32 weeks almost 33! 

Worried: We went in for our 32 week appointment on Monday with my OB. They have started doing more ultrasounds since the twins are considered to be mono-di twins (one placenta/two sacs). After the ultrasound my doctor stated he was concerned because their measurements were "lagging behind." With mono-di twins the biggest concern is that one baby will get more blood flow, resulting in discrepancy of size. He referred us to a Maternal-Fetal Specialist to get a second opinion.

Waiting: We found out the soonest the specialist could get us in was Friday (today). I'm a worrier, always have been, probably always will be, so for me this week has been filled with anxiety. Wondering if they are moving enough, getting enough blood flow, if they would have to deliver them early...etc. It has also been a time of waiting and trusting in God's sovereignty and perfect plan. 

Relief: Our appointment took a total of 4 hours today! ;) I was dreaming of Chick-fila the last 2 of those hours! haha The sonographer did a full anatomy scan on both babies. I'm amazed they know what they are looking at! It all looks like little black dots to me! The doctor came in not too long after to give us the results. In the doctor's words they are both just "small, not sick small, but small." Overall their health and anatomy look great, but they still have a ways to go in size. It was such a relief to hear that there are no abnormalities, but we won't be fully "out of the woods" until they are delivered. The doctors only recommendation for me..."don't go into preterm labor." haha Okay I'll try my best! ;) I will be monitored twice a week by my regular OB, and every two weeks by the specialist. We were so thankful for answered prayers! 

 

Size of Babies: Today they estimated to be both about 3 lbs give or take. Their other measurements show them as about 2 weeks behind my original due date. This is okay, but close to being too far behind (another reason for more monitoring). 

Weight Gain - Still putting on a few pounds! ;) I was telling Matt how silly it was at the beginning of pregnancy I cared about what clothes I wore to the doctor to try to weigh less...ridiculous I know, but you probably did the same at some point! haha However, now I could care less what the scale says because I know that it is helping the girls grow! 

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Maternity Clothes - Mostly all maternity, with a few regular. This week I wore a casual t-shirt type dress with jeans to church. My friend commented on my shirt being cute and if it was new...my response was hopefully it will one day be a dress again! ;) 

Stretch Marks - Still in the clear!

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Best Moments of the Week - Seeing the girls' heartbeats, wiggle, kick, swallow...all the signs of life! 

Miss Anything -Sushi! I'm really craving good sushi! Working out...I've decided to stop Crossfit for now until after pregnancy. I'm still going to walk, but as I get further along Crossfit workouts make me more paranoid that I'm going to do something to cause labor. 

Cravings: The other day I really wanted a Purple-vanilla milkshake from The Purple Cow...maybe this weekend! ;) 

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Movements -Yes! Kate still moves more, but I have a better understanding of how Maddie is laying to monitor her movements. 

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Symptoms - Some Braxton-Hicks contractions, especially at night. Heartburn increasing! 

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What I'm looking forward to: Cooler weather, making pumpkin bread, decorating for fall, maybe watching the Razorback game...haha

I know I've said before how I have the most wonderful friends. As soon as we received the concerns at the appointment Monday I asked my friends to pray. Their emails, calls, texts, and reassurance in knowing they are coming alongside us in prayer is more than I could ever ask. My wonderful friend Sarah texted me this today...two perfect verses to cling to during this time: 

I don't see how people face trials without having faith to cling to...no I haven't always run to the Lord first when a trial hits, and at times have run far away instead. I know that there is something to cling to when the fears of this world creep up...does that mean that God will make my life perfect?...no...Does that mean that I'm guaranteed two perfectly healthy babies?...no...But I am guaranteed that He is at work and present! 

The nursery is finished! I went pretty simple with color and design. A lot of pattern or color stresses me out! haha

Dresser: Found at Matt's parents. Mom and I painted with Annie Sloan chalk paint, then with the yellow
Lamp: TJ Maxx
Rug: Overstock
Ottoman: TJ Maxx
Chair: Target
Curtains: Carousel bedding

Cribs: allmodern.com
Bedskirt: Potterybarn kids

I went super simple on the cribs. I decided not to do a bumper since they say not to have them anymore and it saved me money! 

We made these last weekend. The letters are from Steinmart and we hung those to the wall. I hot-glued ribbon to the letters and made them look like they were hanging on the drawer pull. My fear was they would fall on the twins head one night from us moving around upstairs, so we made sure they were extra secure. 

Closet is still in the works a bit.
Baskets: TJ Maxx then I printed off labels. My camera would not cooperate to get a clear picture of them. 

 Reality is setting in a bit more. I'm ready for them to be in the nursery! 

Overwhelmed...

At times I feel overwhelmed by it all...

Overwhelmed... 

...by the many blessings in my life

... that the Lord placed Matt and I together

...by the 1 in 250 miracle identical twins growing inside of me

...that God chose us to be their parents, when I know thousands pray daily for a child

...by the thought of raising two girls in this world

...thinking if I will be an appropriate role model of confidence and good body image 

...by the thought of getting "back in shape"

...by the task of showing them God's love through us

...by the fear that can arise in wondering if they are "healthy"

...wondering and praying if they will accept God's love and grace for themselves

...praying they will see themselves as "fearfully and wonderfully made"

...by all the worries of HOW I'm going to handle TWO at the same time 

...by the changes from one stage of life to the next 

...by fear of losing friendships

...that God once again answered our prayers and has provided financially for our family 

...that God is always faithful...always...even when I doubt it...

"Teach me your ways, O Lord,

    that I may live according to your truth!

Grant me purity of heart,

    so that I may honor you.

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With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God.

    I will give glory to your name forever,

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for your love for me is very great.

    You have rescued me from the depths of death."