3 weeks and Coming Home!

The girls are coming home!! We had a rough weekend with the girls eating great on their own, but then other times would not take anything. Matt and I both felt a little defeated, and realized they would be in the hospital longer than we originally anticipated. Sunday night we were at their 9 o'clock feeding and started talking with one of the great nurses. She told us that one of the doctors was ready to get the girls home. She told us they needed their feeding tubes out and then they would really eat! The thought of taking a source of food away from such tiny babies made me nervous at first. At that point they were only taking 3-4 out of 8 feedings by bottle. She reassured us that instinct would kick in, and they would eat. Sure enough we walked in Monday morning and were surprised to find NO FEEDING TUBES! As of Monday, Madeline was doing much better eating, but we were more hesitant about Katherine. Katherine still is slow eating, reluctant to open her mouth, and often spits up. We were able to see their pediatrician, and he reassured us again that removing the feeding tubes was the best thing. He then told us the greatest news! Room-in with the girls at the hospital Wednesday and bring them home Thursday! 

I still didn't want to get my hopes up too much because neither of them had taken all their feedings on their own. Despite a few difficult/frustrating feedings overall they have done great! It has finally started to "click" with Katherine, but she is still a slow eater. At times I get anxious about bringing them home because putting on weight is SO important. If eating takes longer than 30 minutes they burn extra calories, if they are too cold they burn calories...so many things to factor in with premature babies. With all the worries and anxieties about having them out of the hospital, we could not be more thrilled to FINALLY be having our girls home! 

Madeline Grace: 5lb 7oz

Tube free!

I made her pose! Ready for those cords to be gone! 

Katherine Jane: 4lbs 11oz

Looking at Dad

Finally stopped screaming! ;)

We are so grateful the girls time in the NICU is coming to an end. I still don't feel like a "mom" at times. Matt and I are ready for sleepless nights, crying babies, and a lot of cuddling. I cannot wait to see them together! They have not touched each other since being inside me! I might just cry the first time they are side by side! Cannot believe God chose us to have these two precious, beautiful, healthy babies! 

I am not in control

Hi, I'm Amy Adams and I'm a controlaholic...

I cannot deny I have a typical type A personality. I like order, plans, organization, and being in control of life. My closet is organized by color, then organized by type of shirt in the color. Since I was young I have organized our families' Christmas presents under the tree by name, then on Christmas morning I place everyone's gifts in "their spot." I do not do well with surprises. My classroom as a teacher ran like clock-work. Things had their places, students knew expectations, it was "controlled." I plan our weekly meals. I like to process what is to come before it happens...okay now I really sound like a crazy person. Haha I'm not an outwardly verbal controlling person, but inwardly I like to have every part of my life perfectly in place. 

Matt joked the other night and asked if I would please just accept God is in control. It seems as if God keeps trying to teach me this, yet I must not be getting it! So many things that have happened in the past year of our lives have seemed out of our control or our plans. I could not control job changes. I did not "plan" our pregnacy. I could not control my babies growth and development in the womb. I could not control the day they would enter the world. I cannot control when they decide to start eating. I did not plan for this to be the way my babies spent the first weeks of their lives. I cannot control their number of days in the NICU, but oh how I wish I could! I held each of my girls this afternoon and prayed for their future, prayed for their days in the NICU, prayed for their eating...in the calmness of the moment, despite beeping monitors and other crying babies, He reminded me again...Be still and know that I AM GOD! 

He is God, I am not. 
He is in control, I am not.
He can do as he pleases, not as I want.

Hi, I'm Amy Adams, and I'm a recovering controlaholic...:) 

2 weeks old!

The girls are two weeks old today! Two weeks in some ways has passed by so quickly, but sometimes it seems too long that they have been away from us. They would be 38 weeks gestation if still on the "inside." The nurses keep telling us that this is the week that everything usually "clicks." This is my constant prayer...


The Girls:

Katherine Jane:

-weighs:4lbs 3oz!
-only 50 grams away from being moved to an open crib! That is almost 2 oz.
-some interest in breastfeeding, some interest in bottle (I think she had to work so hard in the womb for food/blood that now she just wants to rest! haha)
-more alert, and sometimes will not close her eyes when you stay in the room



Madeline Grace:

-weighs:4lb 12oz
-in open crib!
-some days good with breastfeeding/bottle, some days not so great.
-much more alert the past week


Mom and Dad:

Physically I'm feeling great. My appetite is back after 9 months of constantly feeling full! I jokingly told Matt that maybe being pregnant and getting bigger was one of the greatest things for me to put my body image in perspective. I look in the mirror and can't believe how skinny I am! haha I'm not to my pre-pregnancy body, but getting there. I don't weigh myself,so I have no clue how much I have lost. I'll let it be a surprise at my 6 week appointment. ;)

Emotions continue to come and go. Again, I know that emotional moments are typical of all new moms. Matt and I had a good laugh the other night at one of my ridiculous emotional moments. Our dog Lily was laying down on the couch and kicked her legs (to get more space because she is spoiled), this caused Matt's cup of ice cream to spill. He got on to her and kicked her off the couch. For some crazy reason this upset me. I asked him to not be "mean" to her. Then started some rant about if our real babies can't be home to care for, then we have to take care of our dogs. After a good 5 minutes of being insane...we laughed at how ridiculous I was being. Matt kept saying "they are DOGS, not our children!" hahaha

We have been able to be much more involved with the girls at the hospital. This has helped both of us feel more connected to them. There are moments of frustation, like when they just will not eat. These moments remind us, especially me, that we are not the ones in control here. I cannot will my children into eating, no matter how hard I try. We daily have to trust the Lord with the number of days they will be in the NICU. The evenings seem to be the hardest. I worry about them crying or fussing and no one being there to comfort them. Don't get me wrong, the girls' nurses are WONDERFUL, but I long for the day of being the one to comfort them. 

The cycle feels incomplete, our home feels empty, but each day our hearts fill more and more with a deep love for our girls. Praying fervently that they will turn a corner to make more steps towards coming home! 

On a VERY positive note...here is our freezer currently...only part of my production! :)

Miracles

Praising God for these little miracles today...

^"He alone is your God, the only one who is worthy of your praise, the one who has done these mighty miracles that you have seen with your own eyes." Deuteronomy 10:21

1 week old!

The girls are 1 week old today! I'm so thankful that this week has flown by! Hopefully the next few weeks at home without them will fly by too!  


The girls-
Katherine "Kate":

-weighed 3lbs 12.2 oz today! That is .2 oz above her birth weight! ;)
-always alert and looking around
-loves to be in a ball with her legs tucked under 
-got off her IV Saturday!

-blood sugar was high late last week, but has lowered
-getting majority of feedings through her NG tube, except for what little she takes from a bottle once a day
-NO interest in really working to get her food from a bottle

Madeline "Maddie":

-weighed 4lbs 4oz today (this was up from yesterday!)
-She has had problems with her different blood levels. In the womb she was getting too much blood (Kate was getting too little), this has made he blood thick. The nurse explained that this often makes babies more tired and less alert. Today she was much more alert, and her numbers have leveled out! 
-loves to sprawl out

-got off her IV Saturday!
-Took a bottle like a champ today! 
-close to being in an open crib

Mom and Dad:

This week has been filled with ups and downs. I was discharged Thursday which was extremely hard. We had a moment in the Chick-fila drive through line after leaving the hospital! haha It felt so weird to go home without them. We were both so thankful they were safe and overall healthy, yet felt empty without them with us. Some days it is easy to leave them, others I fight back the tears. It has been SO wonderful to hold them, try to feed them, change diapers, and feel like we are bonding with them. I'm pumping every 2 1/2-3 hours to match their feeding schedule at the hospital. It is not fun to wake up all hours of the night only to be greeted by a machine. No sweet faces, cries, or cuddling...just a yellow pumping machine! I've given up breastfeeding them until they gain weight, and I will work with them at home. Right now we need to know exactly how much they are getting. I know that ALL new moms deal with the fears of not knowing what to do, or if they are doing things right. Yesterday I had a tough time at the hospital. Maddie would not take a bottle, then spit up what little she took everywhere. I was already a little emotional because I couldn't figure out what to do. Premies do not have suck, swallow, breath down like term infants.  It is a laborious process at times to train them to feed. The nurse was trying to be realistic with me, but it didn't help. I felt like someone else was taking better care of my babies than me (which they are...haha), but that isn't a good feeling. I wanted them home with me, I wanted to be the one to feed them, I wanted to be the one to console them. It was a moment...but today I redeemed myself! haha Maddie took a bottle like a champ! :) 

He is so in love...

Matt and I both know that this is just a season and it will pass. We will get the rest of our lives with them, but anxiously await these early days of their lives at home with us. 

The girls' arrival

Tuesday morning around 5:00 they started inducing me and not long after that my doctor came to break my water. I was only at 2 1/2 cm, so he told us to expect about 1cm and hour..meaning it would be a long day. The contractions hit fast, with little to no breaks in between. Admittedly I have a low pain tolerance..okay very low pain tolerance. Haha I was able to breath through the contractions for several hours. Matt was great during this time! He kept me calm and even tried some humor here and there to make light of the situation. Once the big contractions hit, I was not so interested in the humor! ;) The nurse came around 8:00 to let me know the anesthesiologist was in surgery but would be here as soon as he got out. I made it about 15 minutes more of contractions until I was wanting to beg for the epidural! ;) Soon the door opened and in came relief! I had a great nurse that was SO calm. My body started shaking before the epidural, which made me nervous since someone was about to put a needle in my spine! I probably started shaking more from nerves. She helped me relax and helped me stay still during the epidural. Soon it kicked in! It was wonderful! ;) I have SO much respect for people who choose not to or are unable to have epidurals!

Around 10:30 I started to be able to feel pain on my right side more. The nurse came to double check it wasn't my bladder or something else before calling the anesthesiologist back. She quickly had a surprised look on her face, then said, "um, it's not your bladder...we are having babies." I'll be back. Suddenly Matt and I looked at each other and reality hit, we were about to have babies! Within a matter or seconds our room was filled with 9 people! Four nurses for the babies from the NICU, two nurses that just wanted to watch twins be born haha, my nurses, and eventually my doctor rushed in! He had to drive from across town and said he sped so fast! Praise God he didn't get a ticket because I don't think he would have made it! Even in the midst of all the rushing around and chaos I felt a peace. Matt has a calm nature which helped me just stay calm.

Three pushes later and little, tiny Katherine Jane entered the world at 11:18 am. There was no better sound than to hear her cry! It was hard to watch them take care of her directly across the room, yet still focus on delivering another baby! Matt was able to cut/trim the cord of Kate, then was quickly back by my side for round 2! A few pushes later and Maddie Grace arrived at 11:26. It was easily noticeable that Maddie was bigger. Matt was able to watch as the NICU team evaluated and clean up the girls. Matt and one of the nurses brought the girls back over to me to look at them before they were taken upstairs. It killed me not to be able to hold them and to have them wisked away.  

Matt went with the NICU team, the nurse cleaned up the room, and then our families were brought in. It was exciting to see them, yet weird because there were no babies to look at. Matt was able to take the families up to see the girls after they were settled in. 

Baby "A" Katherine Jane Marable Adams 3lbs 12oz

As Matt walked the families up to the NICU, I was left in the room...alone...it was silent...and I was alone. It was the strangest feeling and didn't quite now how I felt. Did I just have babies?!?!? They weren't there to hold, kiss, show off. It was silent...As I type this I tear up. I anxiously waited 9 months to meet the babies I had been carrying, dreamed about what they would look like, but they weren't with me. The moment I was able to look at them was so fast...would I even know which babies were mine? It was a rough moment of dead silence after the whirlwind of the past 24 hours. 

Baby "B" Madeline Grace Maricella Adams 4 lbs 6oz

After I was able to feel my legs again, we were taken up to our room in the Mother/Baby Unit. They wheeled me through the NICU to see the girls and talk to the NICU doctor first. I wanted to hold them, kiss them, and take them with me. I was/am abundantly grateful that they are here on this earth and I can touch them, yet it was still hard to not have them with us. Their NICU doctor informed us that overall they looked well, just very small. He was very glad they did not have to be put on oxygen, especially with their small size for 36 weeks (thank the Lord for my round of steroid shots that helped develop their lungs). He gave us a ballpark time frame of 3 weeks for Kate and probably less for Maddie. 


They took us to our room to get settled in, again silence...no babies just Matt and I looking at each other! haha It was hard for me to see the babies out in the rooms. It was really hard to hear them cry, knowing that their mom was able to hold them and comfort them. I was honestly jealous, yet SO thankful that my girls were here! They are finally here! :)

The unexpected change...

I had a 36 week appointment Monday with our Maternal-Fetal Specialist. They were planning to complete a full ultrasound to check growth, blood flow, and fluid levels. I went into the appointment with the mindset of "I can do this for a few more weeks." We have known from the beginning the risks of carrying mono-di twins, but I was still surprised at the news the specialist delivered. He first told us the positive: good fluid levels. However, you know when a doctor takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment that difficult news is about to come. The first words then to us were, "I'm thinking about if you were my wife what I would do." He then went on to tell us his concern about the blood flow to the brain being a little heightened, and that their growth appeared to be more off than the last appointment. Suddenly "weeks" of carrying the twins became maybe hours or at the most a few days. He wanted us to go asap to my regular OB to get a non-stress test. If everything came back "perfect" then we could wait until Friday to deliver, but if there was ANYTHING to question then it was time to get them out. As scary and hard as the news was to hear, Matt and I could not be more grateful for Dr. Wendel's wisdom, discernment, and caring nature to help provide the best care for the girls. We rushed out of his office, grabbed lunch as we waited to hear back from the OB, then headed to our OB.

I was immediately hooked up to the monitor at the OB. He was in surgery so we knew we were going to be waiting a while. Matt and I both sat and listened to their heartbeats, praying fervently that everything was okay, anxiously awaiting a report. After several hours my OB returned to analyze the heart rates. A few awkward pauses later he looked at us and said, "I just don't want to risk it. We need to have these babies." My heart pounded and I responded, "like today?" He said he needed to make some calls then would be right back. Matt and I just stared at each other. He quickly returned telling us to go to the hospital now to be monitored, but that I would be induced the next morning (Tuesday). A wave of emotions hit as we left the office...Excitement: we were about to meet our girls! Fear: they are 4 weeks early and tiny! 

Our last night as the two of us

God truly provided a sense of calmness for Matt and I. My prayer throughout this whole pregnancy has been..."if there is ANYTHING wrong, Lord please let us know in time." God answered those prayers! As worrisome as an early delivery can be, we were SO grateful for all our doctors' wisdom and technology that aided in keeping our girls safe until they were welcomed into the world! 

36 weeks! Welcome Kate and Maddie

Katherine Jane: born 3lbs 12 oz at 11:18 a.m    Madeline Grace: born 4lbs 6oz at 11:26 a.m  

It has been a crazy 24+ hours! I will write the full birth story soon. Matt and I are about to crash from going non-stop/me giving birth to two babies! Haha We are SO thankful to God for the wisdom and decisions of our doctors to deliver, technology that was/is able to monitor the girls in and out of the womb, and most of all for TWO beautiful baby girls. They are tiny, but overall doing well in the NICU. 

Prayers...

I woke Saturday night around 12 for the all too familiar pregnancy bathroom breaks. I happen to check my phone and was suddenly shocked at the message before me. My dear friend Kimbo had received a call from Julee's's mother informing her that Matt (Julee's husband) had died. Little was known, but my stomach was in knots. I waivered in and out of sleep, burdened to prayer for my friend, sorority sister, and sister in Christ. The thought of her burden is unfathomable. I trust that God is sovereign, but I sure don't always understand Him. Please join in prayer for Julee, Preslee, and both extended families. 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Pregnancy has hit...35 weeks!

Weeks: 35 weeks! 

Let me start by saying I'm SO thankful my pregnancy has been fairly "easy." I was  able to exercise, stay active, avoid many symptoms, and avoid bed rest that seemed inevitable for most twin moms.

BUT...pregnancy has hit in full force. I feel lazy, yet get exhausted doing much of anything. My feet swell throughout the day and throb. I can't sleep well. The worst has been pain in the middle of my chest. Apparently it is due to my uterus being so big...ouch! 

Okay enough complaining! ;) I know it's all worth it! 

Size of Babies:We were hoping to find out their growth last Thursday at the specialist. They ended up just checking blood flow and fluid because it was too close to the last appointment to compare size. The specialist is SO informative and he has helped us understand what exactly is concerning and what is good. He was surprised how small of babies we were having (I'm 5'10" and Matt is over 6'). Again, it is okay if they are small...just not sick. We meet with him again Monday, will do a full ultrasound,  and will discuss if it is better for them to be "in" or "out." 

Size of Mom - I'm measuring 44 weeks! WOW! My weight gain has slowed, almost stopped...but the belly has definitely grown! I'm afraid the pregnancy waddle isn't far away...

.

Maternity Clothes - Same ole same ole...I'm SO ready to shop for some cute fall/winter clothes. I know this is months away though until I will probably feel like trying things on. 

Stretch Marks - Lotion, lotion, lotion...

Best Moments of the Week - 

Knowing that the girls are healthy. I still love hearing their heartbeats during the tests at my OB. Finding out that they have a head of hair at the specialist! Technology is amazing! 

Miss Anything - Grading papers...haha I went this week to help a friend grade papers at school. I use to dread grading 50+ papers, but it was fun to do it again. It always amazes me how you complain about something, but then as soon as it's gone you miss it! 

Cravings: Orange juice! Water! I've been so thirsty!

.

Movements -They are rolling all the time. A lot of hiccups in the past week. At one point they both had them, but not simultaneously. It was weird!

.

Symptoms - Chest pain, fullness, swelling, tired, hip pain...oh the joys! 

.

Mood - Counting down the days of calmness and relaxation...ready to meet them! 

.

What I'm looking forward to: Specialist appointment Monday. A beautiful weekend ahead!