Tuesday, February 5, 2013


The "worst" moment of their NICU stay
It's days like these that I have to remind myself of how far we have come. These days were far worse than no napping, crying, fussy, eating issues, spit up everywhere kind of days...

Our days lately have had their ups and downs. After the girls started Prevacid we had several great weeks of eating! They were taking 20-25 ounces a day, up from struggling to take 18-20. Then all of a sudden last week things started to regress. Back to crying/screaming/throwing back while eating...and struggling to get them to take in ounces! It took us an hour one night to get Kate to take 4-5 ounces. It is heartbreaking to see them in so much pain...and not feel I can do anything about it. We were SO grateful to have our pediatrician call mid week. He then told us to give them the same dose, but twice a day. A day or so passed and we could see a difference! Today they took in great volume,  but not without some discomfort. Praying as the days pass things continue to be less uncomfortable for them.

So many precious friends have offered to babysit the girls. As much as we want to get out and be able to take advantage of the offers, we just can't right now. Not only can Kate and Maddie get very discomforted eating, it can still be VERY labor intensive. Both girls get super figety, Maddie now tries to hold the bottle but ends up pushing it, if they need to burp you CANNOT resume eating until that burp is out, spit up is endless, at times it seems like they are "done" after 1ounce ..but you have to figure out how to get them to take more. Even now it has become harder for Matt to feed them...they just want to talk and play...(already he is the fun parent...jk) I have to many times stop, take some breaths, and sometimes even have to step out of the room. Obviously it isn't their fault eating is hard...but frustration sometimes gets the best of me...I may or may not have loudly said "Why can't we just eat like everyone else's baby?" Then placed(thrown) the bottles on the ground the other day. Mom fail! Yes, I know not "everyone else's baby" eats perfectly! :) This season continues to be a challenge because I feel so trapped and confined...yet SO joyful and happy with these two blessings at the same time!

Kate and Maddie have come so far! I know that things will continue to change and improve with eating! Now naps...whew....that's a whole other post! Lord help us! ;)


  1. Hey!
    My name is Melissa Lewis and I don't keep an active blog- have one but never update it. I am a 5th grade teacher and have 2.5 year old twins. They were born at 34 weeks weighing 2.12 and 3.10 due to IUGR. I know so many people have offered their stories and advice and that's not what I'm trying to do here. I have found your blog through another blog and have read it since you had the girls. I am so sorry for the struggles you are going through with them eating. We had the exact same issues and it is so heartbreaking and hard for others to really understand. My heart literally feels like it's back 2 years ago in the same position you are in. We went through a million different things to try and fix it and many doctor visits and phone calls as well. We today have happy and healthy (tiny) 2.5 year olds. I would be happy to help in anyway even if it just to vent to someone who might understand, but above all else I wanted you to know I am praying for you. I truly am, every morning at 4:30 while I'm running on the treadmill (life of a twin mom and teacher) I am going through my prayer request list and you are on it b/c I know how hard it is to go through what you are doing. Please know it will get better. Contact me at any point if you wanna chat- MLewis@hotmail.com

  2. Om, I'm praying for you, Matt, and your sweet girlies. I can't imagine your struggles, but know that lots of people are praying for you! Love you!!

  3. Praying for you this a.m. Amy. We never really know what challenges we will face as parents...This is tough for sure. I so appreciate your honesty as it will encourage moms everywhere. We all want to "throw the bottle" in some way or another. I hate cliches, but.....this too shall pass. Hang in there! No doubts that you are an amazing mommy!!!!

  4. You are a wonderful mama!! I agree with Kim's comments that we never can fully understand the trials we will face as parents until they come...and God is present every time we throw the bottle, scream at a child, or say things we regret. Every mama can relate, perhaps not to your particular struggle, but I promise He will sustain you!! So thankful you have Matt!! A good husband is a precious gift:)

    I will pray that despite not being able to leave for long, that y'all will still have good time to connect and spend time together.

    Can we come see y'all President's Day weekend?

  5. My 9-1/2 year old daughter was a 4lb premmie. And she had MAJOR reflux issues. So that she ended up at age 5 months on DOUBLE an adult dose of reflux meds when she weighed only 8lbs! And she stayed on them until after she was 2. At age 3 she started to eat 'properly' and now is 'normal' for her age/height. Her reflux story was similar to your girls in that all the reflux meds seemed to work for 2-3 days, sometime up to a week and then she would regress. And the paediatrician would increase the dose, she'd eat and then in a few days the improvement would seem to 'wear off'. It took months for the paediatrician to have enough proof that our girl needed a BIG BIG dose of meds. But with our patience and his skill, we got there in the end. It's tough. Very, very tough. But you are doing wonderfully.

    My parents were a great support. They continually offered much help. But as a first time Mum to a desperately wanted baby who came to us thanks to IVF, I wanted to do everything. I thought I was the only one who could do things 'properly'. I was wrong. It took me having awful depression when our girl was 9 months old for me to have to stand back and let others help with day to day cares for our daughter. If I had my time again, I would ask for help earlier and accept many of the offers of help I turned down. I was great at looking after my daughter but no so good at looking after me. And my mental health. Make sure you can take care of you.

    There are so many people out here in BlogLand who understand your frustration. Vent away and keep up the great work :)