That may sound ridiculous because Kate and Maddie are 4.5 months old. To be honest I struggled bonding with the girls at first. Their NICU time took a bigger toll on me than I think I realized at the time. I loved them from the first moment I saw them...but I missed out on those early days of just holding them. My holding time was 10 minutes per day...10 minutes out of 24 hours...that's it. Then that increased to 10 minutes per shift...then more frequently. I wasn't able to enjoy the first few weeks of newborn cuddles, instead I had to always put them back. In their first months home, I was too overwhelmed with it all that I forgot to just stop...and enjoy precious moments.
So earlier in the week as the 45 minute-intruder hit during naptime, and I could tell they (yes...two crying babies!) were just escalating. I entered in their room to soothe them...not frustrated...not angry...not wondering why they won't just be super nappers...Instead I scooped them both up (thankfully they are still small enough to do this...what will I do when they are bigger?!?!) and began to rock. I rocked them for probably 45 minutes...that's when it hit me...I was their mom...these were my children...these were the moments I will miss when they are 16 and moody. There was nothing more important at that moment, no blog reading, bills to be payed, laundry to be folded, or floors to be swept for the 100th time this week...I was a mom and moms are meant to stop and hold their babies...
It was a precious moment that I hope I never forget. I seriously almost cried in the moment...and I'm not much of a crier! ;) I was in awe of God's blessings, in awe of His goodness, and in awe of two beautiful creations...
I'm a mom...I wouldn't change that for anything!
I totally understand. I felt the same when I first had my daughter last year. She turned one in January, but it did also take me some time to really feel connected and really feel like a mom. Sometimes I wish I held her more in her early days, but I am glad that it didn't last too long feeling like that. Am glad to know that things are coming around :) And what beautiful little girls you have!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw the title I thought you were going to say one of the babies rolled off the bed!!! So glad it wasn't that! (however, that will probably happen at some point too- but they'll be ok)
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