We had our appointment with a Speech-pathologist at Children's Hospital today. We discussed what we experienced with the girls' feeding, and then she observed them eat. Her first comment was that they look "distressed." This word keeps resonating through my mind...distressed...my precious babies are hurting, anxious, upset, uncomfortable during the most basic and important processes of life...eating. She stated that especially when watching Maddie it doesn't appear that she "likes" to eat. There is no sign of "oh, this is good, I like this." It's more survival mode. A praise is that she didn't seem to see any problems with their mechanics of eating, but that it seems to be more discomfort. She was able to observe them spit up...yes they spit up even before we fed them...but this helped her to know that they are not digesting their food in a timely manner. She also observed them reach the "point of no return" as I call it. They initially start eating well...but once they cough, chock, spit-up, get too uncomfortable and the nipple comes out..there is no going back. Whether they have taken 1 1/2 ounces or 3 ounces. They rarely cry out of hunger to eat. During the day I almost always wake them to eat. They started sleeping through the night last week, but we are having to wake them for a feeding. They eat the most at the bedtime feeding and middle of the night. Matt and I both expressed our concern that we feel like we are torturing them at times...pushing them to take more because they NEED to grow more. But, in doing so it can cause further problems. This is my biggest fear! What if they start to hate eating...I can't even go down that road of worry.
So what now...We try different things...We will try to switch formulas...we pray...we hope that something will make a difference. Early this morning I simply prayed for God to overwhelm me with his peace. Peace in knowing he has love for my girls far beyond my love for them. Peace in knowing that we will make it through. Peace in knowing that he will provide answers in his time. Peace in knowing that I am not alone in this...amen...cause I sure would be much more of a wreck if I was! :)