Friday, January 4, 2013

It's just eating...

Earlier this week Matt provided me with 2 glorious hours out on my own. I ran to the mall to return somethings and shop around. I enjoyed the alone time, but also couldn't help but notice babies everywhere. A Dad with a newborn in a carrier, a mom browsing through clothes while holding her tiny baby, and then a mom easily giving her newborn a bottle...jealousy ran all through my veins. I have felt so confined lately. I can't just take the girls out to run around town, then pop a bottle in their mouth. They don't eat. So therefore I'm home majority of everyday. I'm trying to be content with this present challenge, yet find myself praying this season to go by quickly. I know that's horrible...I shouldn't pray for my babies to grown up fast, most want them to stay small forever. It's just a hard place to be.

We had our appointment with a Speech-pathologist at Children's Hospital today. We discussed what we experienced with the girls' feeding, and then she observed them eat. Her first comment was that they look "distressed." This word keeps resonating through my precious babies are hurting, anxious, upset, uncomfortable during the most basic and important processes of life...eating. She stated that especially when watching Maddie it doesn't appear that she "likes" to eat. There is no sign of "oh, this is good, I like this." It's more survival mode. A praise is that she didn't seem to see any problems with their mechanics of eating, but that it seems to be more discomfort. She was able to observe them spit up...yes they spit up even before we fed them...but this helped her to know that they are not digesting their food in a timely manner. She also observed them reach the "point of no return" as I call it. They initially start eating well...but once they cough, chock, spit-up, get too uncomfortable and the nipple comes out..there is no going back. Whether they have taken 1 1/2 ounces or 3 ounces. They rarely cry out of hunger to eat. During the day I almost always wake them to eat. They started sleeping through the night last week, but we are having to wake them for a feeding. They eat the most at the bedtime feeding and middle of the night. Matt and I both expressed our concern that we feel like we are torturing them at times...pushing them to take more because they NEED to grow more. But, in doing so it can cause further problems. This is my biggest fear! What if they start to hate eating...I can't even go down that road of worry.

So what now...We try different things...We will try to switch formulas...we pray...we hope that something will make a difference. Early this morning I simply prayed for God to overwhelm me with his peace. Peace in knowing he has love for my girls far beyond my love for them. Peace in knowing that we will make it through. Peace in knowing that he will provide answers in his time. Peace in knowing that I am not alone in this...amen...cause I sure would be much more of a wreck if I was! :) 


  1. My daughter was a 4lb premmie. She is now 9. How I remember the struggle we had to feed her. At her worst, she would take nearly 90 minutes to drink 50 mls of milk :(

    We discovered over the first 6 months that she had silent reflux due to an incompetent sphincter at the top of her stomach. So she was living with stomach acid refluxing up her oesophagus. She was started on a baby dose of reflux meds and after seeing her specialist every two weeks, after 5 months she was on double an adult dose of meds. She stayed on that for two years.

    We elevated her cot mattress, kept her upright as much as possible and that helped enormously as she learned to 'trust eating' as it had previously given her pain :(

    We also discovered over time that she had very low muscle tone so swallowing was a problem for her. But as you've had your girls 'mechanics' of feeding checked, I'm sure the specialist would have noticed that if it were a problem.

    Surviving the first 6 months is a challenge. Let alone with two. I will pray for strength for you.

    And trust your instinct as if you think all is not well, get it checked out a second and third time until YOU are happy that you understand why the professionals say all is ok.

  2. I don't know what formula you are on or are switching to but I have to tell you....Nutramigen saved my life!!!! I was there like you one year ago...expect with one baby. She was fussy, spit up more than any baby I had ever know, did not sleep, vomited her milk, choked, etc. We switched 5 times before trying Nutramigen....The first week adjusting to it she had the same symptoms until it got in her system good. We added cereal b/c the Nutramigen is so thin and predigested milk. They also said she had reflux but months of Zantac did nothing. The Nutramigen literally was my saving grace....It is very expensive but truly works. Come to find out Finley had a milk intolerance. We tried the Enfamil AR for spit up but it made her very constipated. Your posts bring me back to my frustrations a year ago. Please know it will get better especially as you find the right formula and they gain weight. The other thing that really worked for us was switching to Dr. Brown bottles b/c they are for reflux and reduce air/gas and we bought Finley a rock n play incined bed from Target that helped her stay elevated. Good luck....hope this helps! Mandy

    1. My baby girl was put on Nutramigen too. We had tried several formulas and 2 kinds of reflux medicines. I'm not sure the Nutramigen was a miracle formula, but eventually she did get better. Just know that you are not alone...even when you look around and see those "perfect mommas and their babies"....there are many of us out there who have been where you are. Pray alot and stay calm!!

  3. Praying that your little ones learn to eat well and enjoy it soon! I haven't had the same issues you've had, but when my son was born, he hated eating. I was housebound for the first 3 months of his life because it was so difficult to feed him and he usually refused to eat unless we were at home without any interruptions. He finally got better, but until a few months ago (he's 2 1/2 now) he still hated eating and would literally scream when I gave him food. He kept losing weight because he wouldn't eat. He finally started enjoying food a few months ago and now I can't feed him enough (He has an especially big sweet tooth which we indulge a lot since we're still trying to get him to gain weight)! This summer he learned a new word:"Hungry", and I almost cried the first time he said it to me.

  4. My baby was a full term baby so the issues may be very different but what you are explaining sounds exactly like what he did. We were all sweating by the end of a feeding and no way was it happening in public. He would finally latch on and drink but once he stopped after an ounce to three ounces he would not take it again. He did not spit up so they kept telling me it wasn't reflux. But after reading a lot I decided to switch to enfamil AR on my own and it was a total life saver. He actually got to where he LIKED his bottle and at a year old we had a hard time getting him to give it up. Might not help at all but I couldn't help but share just in case.

  5. Amy--I don't have any feeding advice as my twins have never had a problem w/ eating, however, I just wanted to reach out to you as a fellow twin mom if you ever need to talk. I live nearby in Conway, and would love to come watch your girls if you ever just need to run an errand or two or just need two hours to go sit in Starbucks and take a break. I'm praying for you and the girls and praying that you guys are able to get a good plan that works for the girls and for you as far as feedings go. Please know that I truly mean my offer and would be more than happy even to just come for a visit so that you have someone besides the babies to talk to and will happily help fold laundry/clean your toilets/whatever else you need. Your girls are absolutely precious and I bear witness that you will at least survive until they make it to 20 months!! Past that, I don't know. Mine are giving me a run for my money @ 20 months. I think we are quickly approaching the terrible 2's and I am NOT ready for that. :) My e-mail if you ever want to chat: mrsolinecoach at yahoo dot com or my twitter is jbestrnmomma


  6. Just want to wish you good luck and keep your chin up, being a Momma is a struggle but so worth every struggle.