8 weeks...reality check!

Can you tell we have started noticing light? Kate would not turn her head!

Kate and Maddie are 8 weeks old today! Soon to be 2 month old girls! Matt and I were talking the other day how the NICU seems so long ago, thankfully! We head to the doctor on the 13th, and hopefully will see big weight gain! We have made some changes in the past week to our schedule (thanks to my correspondence with Moms on Call) to try to get the girls to sleep a little longer at night. It is helping Matt and I have a little more time together at night, which lately has been much needed. 

Our typical day looks a little like this:

• Between 6:00-7:00 
• I wake them or they wake. I have been attempting to breastfeed on some days. If it's too chaotic, I stop and give them a bottle. 
• Right now I put them right back to sleep. In the next few weeks, we may move to starting our day and having wake time
• 9:00 Eat/play
• They have both been much more alert in past week. Some days I'm having to try every trick in the book to get them awake for a little while. Other days they are bright eyed and watching everything. 
• 10:00/10:15 nap
• 12:00 eat/play
• 1:00/1:15 nap
• Fussy girls! This is often our hardest part of the day. I'm still trying to figure out if Madeline is just going to be a shorter napper than Kate or another way to make her comfortable. She naps great in her carseat, swing, anywhere except her crib! 
• 3:00 eat/play
• 4:00 quick nap
• 5:00 (transition to our nighttime routine)
• eat/play
• 6:00/6:15 nap
• I usually have them nap out in their swing or Rock-n-play. I try to manage getting dinner together or even some quiet time!
• 7:30 bathtime
• They both LOVE a bath. I love their faces when first getting in the water. A big trick that has helped is placing a warm wash cloth (adult) on their bellies in the tub. It helps to keep them warm! 
• We try to have some "tender time" with them after bath. They usually rock with Matt, or he reads to them. There have been few nights of them remaining calm! ha They are ready to eat! 
• 8:00 Eat
• 8:30 Down for the night! 
• Around 1:30-2:00 one of them is waking. 
• Matt or I go in 2-3 times to calm them, check diaper, attempt to offer a pacifier(neither takes them longer than a few minutes). Sometimes we get an extra 20-30 minutes of sleep out of them. After the 3rd time of trying to soothe, we feed. 
• We have really been able to understand their cries more lately. Maddie is a big, "Hey, I'm just letting you know I'm in here" crier. Hunger cries are full on! Oh, and even better when BOTH are full on crying. Sometimes they even do it in unison! Lots of fun! ha 
• They are usually back down in 30 minutes. Depending on the number of wardrobe changes due to spit up!
• 6:00-7:00 start our day again! 

This has by far been the toughest week for me. I am a very a+b=c kind of person...well babies don't always work that way. I'm learning to realize that each day is different. If the girls fuss more or won't eat a lot, I immediately want to find a solution...sometimes there is no reason for something or a solution. We are not only learning one baby, but TWO. One night Maddie will wake early, the other night Kate. It has been and always will be hard for me to "let go" as we raise our children. Mentally is has also been extremely difficult. It seems as if the world is passing by..seasons change...holidays pass...yet each day for me is almost exactly the same. Feed, sleep, play, diapers, laundry, dishes...etc. I am a person that when I feel mentally "dead" it is difficult for me. I shut down, I become too worrisome, I sometimes feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I'm bored...i'm busy...but I'm bored. When I was teaching, I had to start taking graduate school classes to keep my mind engaged. I know I HAVE to find an outlet of some sort, and I HAVE to get out of the house more! I feel called right now to be a stay-at-home-mom...my feeling does not make it any easier. There are stay-at-home-moms that appear to be absolutely perfect for the job. This week I have doubted all my abilities...can I do this?!? It is such a wave of emotions. I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with TWO healthy, beautiful, precious children...but I sometimes wonder why he chose me? It will only be by his wisdom and grace, that we will make it through. No matter how frustrated I become, I look at their precious faces and am reminded how much I love them.